a random concoction of thoughts

HELLO, BRIGHT DAY

My friends, I am on the mend. I feel a bit weak still, and still have a cough, but everything else is feeling pretty much whole and healthy. I haven’t eaten Khmer food for a few days, only bread and crackers. Mmmm. So nutritious and delicious.
So here I am, at Daughters. Man!!! It is HOT!!! I’m sitting in the classroom, Tim is strumming away on the guitar, and Laurissa, Dana and Phyllis and discussing props for a skit the women at Daughters will be doing for the Christmas party. We just had a time of prayer for Daughters in the prayer room, and I painted a little picture. I need to paint more. And I realized how much I need to take pictures. I haven’t taken photos for a while because I can’t find my card or card reader. (Don’t worry Claire I’ll find it. I think I know where it is!! ) And in the tok tok on the way here, I kept seeing things that inspired me to take pictures, and I realized how much I miss it.
We had a team meeting last night, and it was supposed to be a time of worship and intercession. Worship was rough, and a bit of a struggle for us, and then instead of interceding, we talked about our frustrations. Apparently many of us are having a hard time… So we talked about that and prayed for each other. I went away from the meeting feeling a bit drained, but I know that it happens. We’ll get back on our feet again soon.
Ah, the sunrise this morning was spectacular. I love where I sleep, because every morning, bright and early the sunrise wakes me with a kiss of orange rays on my cheek. This morning there were so many colours in the sky. I wish I could’ve captured that moment.

So I’ve been processing some of the things God has been speaking to me the past couple weeks, and now I’m feeling ready to learn something new. I can see how I’m being shaped and moulded by the different things God teaches me every single day. It excites me that He doesn’t leave a work unfinished. He’s going to keep the good things coming. And I want to learn. I want to grow, and be stretched.

I’ve secretly started reading a book for married women. (HA) I know, I know, I’m too young to be thinking about this. It’s called Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. I got it from the library at the YWAM base, and when I picked it up I wasn’t necessarily thinking about my non existent marriage life, and I wasn’t dreaming about getting married. I swear. It caught my interest because it’s about learning how to truly love your spouse...? This book covers a lot things, like the roles of both men and women, how they are very much different, yet very much equal, the challenges and hardships that often occur in marriage, and how to truly love even in the midst of these things. I feel like it might be a good book for me to read because, though I’m not married, or even close to being married, I figured the author might have some good insight on learning to love people in general regardless of how I might feel. Love has been something I continually think about, especially lately. Every lesson I’ve learned since being away from home has come back to love. I love love. But I feel like for most of my life I’ve romanticized it so much. I’ve seen love as a feeling, and though I knew in my mind that it was more than a feeling, that love is a commitment, I still lived out love as if it were a feeling. Since being away, since learning all the things I have so far, I’ve been more and more drawn to the truth about love. What is it really? God has swept me up, taking me on a crazy journey to show me a glimpse of just that. I’ve already learned a lot from this book. Though it’s relating all this stuff to marriage and relationships, it’s completely useful for everyday life, with any kind of relationship. I feel like I’m beginning to really see what a true woman of faith looks like, and how I can be someone who influences people, not so much by extravagance, or big words, or big events, and certainly not criticism, but by the way that I love. Within the context of marriage, however, though I am young and single, and not quite ready for marriage, I feel like this book is a good place for me to begin to understand some of the real challenges in marriage, and what it looks like to love my husband in the midst of these challenges. I want to be the best woman I can be, the best wife I can be, and the best at loving that I can be. So hopefully I can get past those silly romanticized, glamourized, ideals about what love and marriage is. I want to be real. I want my relationships to be real. I want my love to be real.

Yup!
Just sharing a random thought with you!

More later,
xx jan