BONJOUR
"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn. " C.S. Lewis.
I always liked him. I've started reading his book The Magicians Nephew. I just love the way he can write. I've read both his fiction and his non-fiction. His ability to write simply and matter-of-factly, or deeply, philosophically, using intelligent words and metaphors amazes me. He is a writer with a vast range of abilities to capture the attention and provoke imaginations of his readers. I do very much like him indeed :)
Anyway, he's right about experience. I feel rather silly talking about how experience causes learning, because it should really be said by someone aged and weathered, who can testify firsthand to the lessons life teaches. But of the 18 years I've been alive, and I was thinking about this just this morning and last night too, I have learned so much simply from doing stupid things, or being in situations in which I feel as though I'd rather keel over and die than push through. And my life has been quite easy in contrast to many other lives. I've also been taught many things through my acheivements and that of others. I mooch lessons off of other people's mistakes. One reason, among infinite reasons, that I am so grateful for big sisters :) hehe.
God has taken me by the hand. And I'm seeing more and more of His hand in my life. I'm seeing, as I think back to certain times in my life, how miserable I was, how blind I was, how selfish, and self pitying, how completely astray, and how lonely. And I see it. God's faithfulness in loving such a blob as myself. And here I am now, still a blob, but looking rather different than before, and I can only testify that it's by His love that I've changed. His love has moved me. His intimacy has breathed sweet air into my lungs, and I am alive. I have scars, but don't we all? I have many many flaws, innumerable areas I need growth and healing and freedom and change. But His love is what has and continues, and will forever lead me on.
Sometimes I think how stupid I am for asking the Lord for humility, for strength in perserverance, for patience, and love. I was skyping with my sister Sara a couple days ago, and we were talking about asking God for things like patience. The thing is, He's not some magician with a wand, ready to endow these virtues on his little people. He's a God of gradual growth, or experience, of life lessons. Because we are infinitely flawed, we need time and life to stretch us. He will, however, place us where we need to be in order to learn these things. It hurts at times, but when we make it through and look at these moments, in retrospect, we can see the lesson learned, and we can take it with us to the next.
I am thankful that God is that way. That he doesn't grace us with His mighty ability to do what He wants when He wants all the time. He's so much wiser than that! He can see where we need tweaking. But as He made us co-creators with Him, that means we must co-operate with Him.
If He is Lord of my life, He is Lord of my experiences. Therefore, only He knows where they will lead me, and what they will teach.
So I let go. I will live, and love, and know that I'm learning.
And then, when I AM weathered and wise, I can then truly look back at my life and see, to a greater more extravagent extent, the leading grace of God, walking with me through my trials and change. Life is short, but it's slow going.
more later,
xx jan
"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn. " C.S. Lewis.
I always liked him. I've started reading his book The Magicians Nephew. I just love the way he can write. I've read both his fiction and his non-fiction. His ability to write simply and matter-of-factly, or deeply, philosophically, using intelligent words and metaphors amazes me. He is a writer with a vast range of abilities to capture the attention and provoke imaginations of his readers. I do very much like him indeed :)
Anyway, he's right about experience. I feel rather silly talking about how experience causes learning, because it should really be said by someone aged and weathered, who can testify firsthand to the lessons life teaches. But of the 18 years I've been alive, and I was thinking about this just this morning and last night too, I have learned so much simply from doing stupid things, or being in situations in which I feel as though I'd rather keel over and die than push through. And my life has been quite easy in contrast to many other lives. I've also been taught many things through my acheivements and that of others. I mooch lessons off of other people's mistakes. One reason, among infinite reasons, that I am so grateful for big sisters :) hehe.
God has taken me by the hand. And I'm seeing more and more of His hand in my life. I'm seeing, as I think back to certain times in my life, how miserable I was, how blind I was, how selfish, and self pitying, how completely astray, and how lonely. And I see it. God's faithfulness in loving such a blob as myself. And here I am now, still a blob, but looking rather different than before, and I can only testify that it's by His love that I've changed. His love has moved me. His intimacy has breathed sweet air into my lungs, and I am alive. I have scars, but don't we all? I have many many flaws, innumerable areas I need growth and healing and freedom and change. But His love is what has and continues, and will forever lead me on.
Sometimes I think how stupid I am for asking the Lord for humility, for strength in perserverance, for patience, and love. I was skyping with my sister Sara a couple days ago, and we were talking about asking God for things like patience. The thing is, He's not some magician with a wand, ready to endow these virtues on his little people. He's a God of gradual growth, or experience, of life lessons. Because we are infinitely flawed, we need time and life to stretch us. He will, however, place us where we need to be in order to learn these things. It hurts at times, but when we make it through and look at these moments, in retrospect, we can see the lesson learned, and we can take it with us to the next.
I am thankful that God is that way. That he doesn't grace us with His mighty ability to do what He wants when He wants all the time. He's so much wiser than that! He can see where we need tweaking. But as He made us co-creators with Him, that means we must co-operate with Him.
If He is Lord of my life, He is Lord of my experiences. Therefore, only He knows where they will lead me, and what they will teach.
So I let go. I will live, and love, and know that I'm learning.
And then, when I AM weathered and wise, I can then truly look back at my life and see, to a greater more extravagent extent, the leading grace of God, walking with me through my trials and change. Life is short, but it's slow going.
more later,
xx jan
if the going were any faster we'd probably miss the beauty along the way..
ReplyDeleteyou're very right, ekkehart.
ReplyDeletevery right indeed :)