huisje!

    

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you've all had a lovely and memorable time spent with family and friends! I know I have. I have LOVED this month; it's been full of laughter, wine, good ... no, GREAT food, wonderful company and lots of love.

This year I spent New Years at our family cottage with Will and my Mum and Dad. Located on a lake, way up North in the middle of nowhere, it is one of my absolute favourite places on earth. Funny thing though, it isn't insulated or winterized. It was definitely created for Summer use, though my parents, in the bravery and adventure set out a couple years ago to see what it would be like at the cottage in the dead of winter. This year was my first time, and I know it definitely won't be my last! I loved every second -- which is a big deal, because I am not a fan of the winter season. While we were there, my dad worked on insulating the ceiling.

There's no running water. We use water from a well in the nearest town, and to use water for anything other than cooking/drinking/etc., we scoop it from the lake. The only source of heat in the cottage is one wood stove placed in the middle of the cottage. My dad graciously kept it going day in and day out. Will and I were the first in our cottage's history to build a rink on the lake! We ended up making about three rinks. The first try was pretty sad, the ice was really rough and nearly unskateable, the second was a bit better, but when we flooded it, it took nearly the whole time we were there for the water to freeze over. But finally, we curiously shoveled to the left of our first rink, where -- oooh! -- the ice was perfect! on it's own! No flooding necessary! So, Will and I skated til our feet fell off. Will, being a Kiwi, was suprisingly amazing at skating. He got a hockey stick and a puck for Christmas from my brother in law, so he spent a lot of his time at the cottage working on his hockey skills. I'm suprised at his natural ability to at least look like he knows what he's doing...but at the same time, not surprised at all, because Will is just like that -- he's good at things. :)

On New Years Eve, my Mum built a big fire in the pit outside, and my Dad placed reflective insulating boards all around the sitting area, which kept the heat from the fire in. We roasted hotdogs and sang and laughed, and had a lovely time. Later on, keeping ourselves awake, we cooked WAYYYY too many hupjes, we couldn't eat even half of them. Because there aren't any clocks at the cottage and it gets dark so early in the Winter, it feels like 3 in the morning when really it's only 8 pm. A long day of skating and shovelling doesn't help either! We all managed to stay awake, though, for the countdown, hugged and kissed, and wished each other blessings in this fresh new year, and went to bed.

I can't wait to go back! I had a wonderful time.. The best way to start a whole new year.

What's going to happen this year, I wonder... Besides the world coming to an end... Ha!

I wish you all a year FULL of love, and peace, new adventures and new memories made.

xx

My Prayer

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

x

Gladness

I am thankful for:

Will & his hugs.

Warmth on a cold day.

Tea.

Crafts.

Inspiration & ideas.

Kindness.

'Tis The Season

One thing is for sure. This season of my life has been a humbling one. Things haven't gone my way. Things haven't been easy. I've been kicking and screaming for most of it. I've had to face parts of myself that are deeply prideful, fearful, controlling. I've begun to face parts of myself that are prone to hopelessness. The more I live, the more sure I am of my need for a Saviour. It's the things that have become so 'normal' to me, in my life, that are the things that need to change, and which are hindering me from the glorious freedom that is so available to me. I knew this season of my life would be one of learning... But of course, I had my expectations of how that would look, and feel, and what kind of character growth this time of my life would produce. God works in mysterious ways. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8)


Most of the good things in my life have been, to be completely honest, things handed to me. I am the kind of person who romanticizes life in every way possible. (Being an artist doesn't exactly help in that area of my life.) I create these expectations and ideals for how things are going to happen. I haven't had to fight for much. In a lot of ways that's been a huge blessing to me. But I seem to be learning more and more that this life is a battle. There's always choices to make in the big things and the small that reflect my heart, my fears, my goals, and who it is I'm truly living for. 


I feel as if this season of my life is about surfacing some big things in my heart that I have otherwise been oblivious to. My eyes have been opened a little wider. But the most glorious thing in the midst of all of this, is that the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness. He's not 'out to get me'. He sweetly and gently convicts me of the poisonous things in my heart, so that He can lead and guide me to change. And not so I can boast, but rather that He may be glorified in my transformation, and so that I, as His daughter, can rejoice in the freedom and release given to me through humbly asking for grace, and in turn receiving an exceeding amount of it.


I am slowly learning to choose my battles. To fight for the things that I must. To fight for the things of God's kingdom. To never settle for less. To strive for God's best, because His best is just so darn good, and to receive grace all the while, because I am nothing in and of myself. I am learning too, what truly matters, and to discern what is worth while. 


The season is not over, but I know that when "spring" comes in my life, I will understand it well. And in the meantime, I WILL BE CONTENT.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:12) 
....And those who seek Lord God will not lack any good thing. (Psalm 34:10)


I thank the Lord for the rest He brings, the easy yoke and the light burden that He promises to those who come to Him. 


(P.s. I'm trying to get into the swing of blogging again, so... more soon!!)

Hymns

Quietly, in a place far away, untarnished and sacred, lies the words in her head, so still.
And in the dark, she whispers them to the God she prays to.
And in the dark lies her love, where her heart is kept, sleeping, and dormant.
Hymns of glorious praise, only on our lips, unheard. How do we move on?

Hear me, hear me, hear me.
I know that You do.


  Hymns by Kele Goodwin

Inconstance

It's such a strange and complicated thing, being human and learning to understand all things, even though all things were not designed to ever be fully understood. I feel so inconstant.
I feel like the ocean waves, advancing and then receding, never getting anywhere. And though I relate to these waves, I somehow envy them also. For they have a pattern, a place, a way to exist.
And through all my envy and my relating, and my attempts to understand, to fit, to cope, to move and be moved, I am still-- the world moves fast around me, and I remain so very still, quiet.
That, if nothing else, is constant.

Rain

On a day like today, inside the house and under the covers, in the dull afternoon light I lay still, I lay motionless, waiting for a sound, but there is none--none but the pulsing of my heartbeat in my ears. The rain will fall each day, the roads will flow with sky water and drain into the cracks. It's always warm in bed, with you, and anywhere else seems foreign and unwell. I'd rather be the one who loves and loses, than the one who would never love at all. For love and loss is life -- the extravagance of breathing in and out. In the middle of the day, with no where to be, with no one to know, or to see, with no words to understand; Just the language of your hand upon my hand, your head resting beside mine. It's not the wind that I hear, it's the rain. It comes down on the roof, and in our heads and in our hearts, and we both just lay and wait for what we will do. You are always here, with me.

Nest

                                                       

I have a temporary home. There's a lot in my life that needs to be sorted out -- a few things are up in the air. I am temporarily back with my parents. All, or most, of my belongings are in storage. I've been sleeping in the spare room. I haven't been feeling quite at home, so I made a cozy little nook for myself. I'm just like that.

I am so thankful that my parents are willing to have me stay here for a while, and are so welcoming. It feels good to have a little safe haven while I figure things out.

 

Beautiful

It's now October -- unbelievable. The weather certainly has a mind of its own. One day it's 2 degrees, and then next days it's 30. Well, today was around 30. Even in the shade. It was just lovely. I just love being able to enjoy the vibrancy of fall and the warmth of summer at the same time. I needed some sun. It was overall a pretty glorious day.

x

Today I had an itch to do anything creative. So I chose watercolour as my medium for the day!

I don't use much watercolour, so I'm still kind of learning how it's done. I spent hours just messing around with different colours, and globs and such... I enjoyed it! I used to hate using watercolour paints, but that seems to be changing! 

x

some things

It is in our weakness that the Lord is made strong. (2 Cor. 12:9) My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' It is in His might and His unfailing love that we are given the strength to go on, the power to choose to perservere. 'Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.' Ephesians 6:10.
It's amazing how quickly we turn to blame God when any series of unfortunate events comes our way. It's so easy to do, and so 'normal' for us to find a scapegoat for our problems. But God has given us everything we stand in need of. He says in His Word, that trials and tribulations will come our way. But He is there, with everything we need -- the peace that passes all understanding  -- so that when we go through the fires of tribulation, when we pass through the valleys of fear and of doubt and uncertainty, when we are wronged and persecuted and rejected, we can look to God, our firm foundation, who will not change and will not be shaken even in the midst of chaos. Phil 4: 6,7 'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.' Being anxious for nothing is a pretty grand task, but I believe that the more we choose to rely on God, the easier it is to rest in Him in the midst of challenges and trials. It's like training, creating a habit, being taught, practice... it takes one choice at a time.

Psalm 91 says,

'Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

Being right with the Lord, and being close to His heart is His desire for our lives. He loves us so deeply, that He -- the Creator of all things, The Alpha and Omega, This great big God-- wants to share Himself with us, squirming about on this tiny little planet. It's a heartbreaking thought that God is trying to reach us, trying to give us amazing gifts, gifts that further His kingdom and glorify His holy name, gifts that bring us closer to Him -- to knowing His character, to living in His Spirit and experiencing the great blessings of life in the Spirit-- and we are too busy blaming, doubting, wishing, fearing, crying, feeling sorry for ourselves, getting angry at God, at others, at ourselves... to notice what a Great and Mighty God He is..

I want to notice. I want so desperately to stop feeling sorry for myself, to stop fretting, because it only causes harm: Psalm 37:7-9 'Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret--it only causes harm.'

I want to slow down and see that God makes a way when there seems to be no way, that He is bigger and better than anything this life in itself has to offer. 'No weapon formed against me will prosper!' (Isaiah 54:17)

The waves at night

The lady waited for a while. By the water, she stood. She knew she was a fool when he never came. She knew she was quite a fool indeed. The tide came in quickly as the moon rose higher and higher until it was a stark dot in the night sky.
Her soul was weary, tired from the ups and downs, excitements and disappointments.

'And so it is,' She whispered huskily under her breath. The breeze kissed her cheeks and her chest.
'Just how it should be.'

She walked down the pier to her car.

When she arrived home, she somberly walked the hall to her quiet bedroom. She was so tired, and so she lay her head down slowly on her pillow with her eyes closed. She didn't sleep. She didn't sleep nearly enough.