'Tis The Season

One thing is for sure. This season of my life has been a humbling one. Things haven't gone my way. Things haven't been easy. I've been kicking and screaming for most of it. I've had to face parts of myself that are deeply prideful, fearful, controlling. I've begun to face parts of myself that are prone to hopelessness. The more I live, the more sure I am of my need for a Saviour. It's the things that have become so 'normal' to me, in my life, that are the things that need to change, and which are hindering me from the glorious freedom that is so available to me. I knew this season of my life would be one of learning... But of course, I had my expectations of how that would look, and feel, and what kind of character growth this time of my life would produce. God works in mysterious ways. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8)


Most of the good things in my life have been, to be completely honest, things handed to me. I am the kind of person who romanticizes life in every way possible. (Being an artist doesn't exactly help in that area of my life.) I create these expectations and ideals for how things are going to happen. I haven't had to fight for much. In a lot of ways that's been a huge blessing to me. But I seem to be learning more and more that this life is a battle. There's always choices to make in the big things and the small that reflect my heart, my fears, my goals, and who it is I'm truly living for. 


I feel as if this season of my life is about surfacing some big things in my heart that I have otherwise been oblivious to. My eyes have been opened a little wider. But the most glorious thing in the midst of all of this, is that the Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness. He's not 'out to get me'. He sweetly and gently convicts me of the poisonous things in my heart, so that He can lead and guide me to change. And not so I can boast, but rather that He may be glorified in my transformation, and so that I, as His daughter, can rejoice in the freedom and release given to me through humbly asking for grace, and in turn receiving an exceeding amount of it.


I am slowly learning to choose my battles. To fight for the things that I must. To fight for the things of God's kingdom. To never settle for less. To strive for God's best, because His best is just so darn good, and to receive grace all the while, because I am nothing in and of myself. I am learning too, what truly matters, and to discern what is worth while. 


The season is not over, but I know that when "spring" comes in my life, I will understand it well. And in the meantime, I WILL BE CONTENT.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Philippians 4:12) 
....And those who seek Lord God will not lack any good thing. (Psalm 34:10)


I thank the Lord for the rest He brings, the easy yoke and the light burden that He promises to those who come to Him. 


(P.s. I'm trying to get into the swing of blogging again, so... more soon!!)