photo friday

Raining, raining still.

I can hardly see through.

Inside and outside,

It rains.

In my head, and on the streets,

The grass, the treetops, the riverbed;

-

Well, I have been sick as a dog, with a mysterious illness, for which I now have antibiotics and I am beginning to slowly but surely get better.  I haven't been sick for a while, and having so much to do at the moment it wasn't the greatest timing. But I'm so glad to be getting back on my feet. Tomorrow I hope to accomplish most of the things on my dusty to-do list. I am hoping that getting some things done will help to clear my head. I recently quit my job. Don't ask. It was a job that I only planned to do for 3 months. I felt guilty for quitting, so I never did, and tried my best to love it. But after nearly 7 months, I impulsively decided to end it. If you know me well, you know where I worked, and I'm certain you can understand why it was a struggle. There were windows of good times, and moments I didn't mind so much, but those moments were fleeting, and I really didn't enjoy it much. This seems an odd time to quit my job, with a wedding to plan, and huge expenses coming my way, moving to New Zealand and all, but that's me. Impulsive. I thought I was getting better, being more responsible. Putting my petty preferences behind me, so that I could simply do what needed to be done - make money and save money. But, I did it. I quit. Shame on me, I suppose, but there was something so freeing about it, I was even giddy. Now to figure out what to do next. That's the tough part. The part that gets me kicking myself over quitting -- realizing that even when I think I'm less and less naive, I'm not. I'm still quite naive. I want to be and do a great many things. I want to be an artist, a writer, a designer, a freelancer, but I cannot be that right now, and I fool myself every time. Sigh. One day I will learn. One day I'll really get it. But for now, I'm again jobless, and on the wild hunt for work. There's so much bouncing around in my head. Wishing I had all the freedom in the world to create and create and create. But, of course, there's things to be done! Needs to be met! I must be responsible! First things first, however, I need to get well. Get my body functioning normally again, and then I'll know what to do next. Lord, help! 

Well! That's my rant for today! I hope you all have a happy weekend. 

x