Lark&Sky

There's a lot of pressure to be something nowadays, to pay the bills that I didn't even need in the first place, to drive a car that's a whole lot nicer than anything else I've ever owned. To go to university, build a stable career for myself, to own a house, to find a man to spend my life with, someone who isn't going to stab me in the back, to have a good, solid marriage that isn't going to go flying like a pingpong ball at the first tap of a paddle... to make sure my friends and family are supported by me, keeping up my end of relationships. I have to feed the cat, clean the pool, remember to eat, remember not to eat, keep myself healthy, don't smoke, don't drink, don't swear, make lots of money, and be very responsible.

But see, the truth is, sometimes I don't clean my room for weeks. Sometimes I forget to tell my mother that someone called for her that morning. Sometimes I can't even remember the birthday of a family member or a friend. Sometimes I get so lost in my imagination that I forget, completely, where I am. Sometimes I want to run away -- away from all the things that whiz by me. Away from all the things that act important but aren't. Away from all the facades, the wastefulness, the self centered defensivness and indignation. Away from a place where wealth and worldly prosperity seem to be all that matters, a place where paying unnecessary bills is far more crucial than visiting the sick in the hospital and having a coffee with a friend so she can talk and cry and I can listen and pray and love her. Sometimes I want to turn off a light, just sit in a silent room, feel the floor beneath me, feel the walls around me, and know that my God and I, we're together, and I'll find my way. Sometimes I want to turn off the furnace and build a big fire. It's so cold in this house.