Lately I really really really miss my friends from my DTS. I miss Auckland, I miss living with eleven other girls in an apartment, as crazy as I might sound. I miss seeing their faces every day... learning and growing together. I miss beautiful New Zealand, the land, the water, the barefeet, even the accents.
I've been thinking about DTS a lot lately. More than usual. I've kind of come out of honey moon phase, as a friend referred to it as, and now I'm living in reality. I'm officially back into the swing of things at home, and it feels strange again. For a while it was pretty rough. For someone like me, whose default is usually melancholy, coming home as exciting as it was, was probably one of the hardest aspects to my entire DTS experience...and it was a stretching time as a whole. I was down for quite a long time, and eventually over a period of a couple months, came out of that phase. However, now I'm feeling pretty darn discouraged, missing people, missing community, missing a tight, rapidly growing, evolving and changing Christ-centered environment. I understand that God is still teaching me things, that He has something for me today, right now, but it just feels so different than it would on DTS. I've mentioned this before, but I feel like all of the things my class discussed about coming home during debrief week is finally hitting me. And the one thing that I can say about how I feel is that I miss, most of all, Jesus. I miss Him. I feel like I'm too busy for Him, too occupied with myself. I hate that! I want to slow down so badly... and drink Him in. One of the elders from my church taught a few weeks ago, and he left us with a line. "Live from God". That simple phrase spoke to me heaps, especially just coming home from Cambodia, and feeling so spiritually and emotionally weary. I want to live from God, and I want to live FOR God. I want to make Christ a bigger reality in my life. In the very breath that I take.. I want to take it from Jesus... "Freely you have recieved, freely give." I have recieved everything I need to live my life to the fullest potential possible, and just as I have recieved and continue to recieve the things of God everyday, I want to give it and shine it from that place of blessing... I really hope this is making sense!!
I'm so excited for the future... for getting involved in YWAM again, for travelling and discovering my gifts and further discovering how and when to use them... and I think it's great that I'm finally excited for these things, because for the past few months, I haven't had much ambition or excitement for making decisions and getting motivated. I have had no specific interests or ideas. And now I do, which feels really good and to be honest, it's a bit of a relief. I didn't understand why I didn't care about making plans.
BUT.
I don't want to miss today. I want to hear God today, I want to soak in His presence and hear His heartbeat, so to speak. I want to be wise, make godly decisions, and continue to learn and grow in who Jesus was and is. I need a breath of fresh air. I need to clear my head and listen for the Truth.
On behalf of reminiscing, I decided to post a few photos from lecture phase.
Enjoy!
XX janna
remember to show this post to Alyssa in a few months time after she is home. we are to comfort others with the comfort we have received.
ReplyDeleteYOU have such a gift to express yourself with vulnerability...THAT is living FROM God and FOR God. he is always all over humility and brokenness with the Holy Spirit.
YOU are awesomeness. don't ever forget it
love you.from me xo
beautiful. keep living from God girl. love!
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