09.11.09

BONJOUR!
Right now there's a fly on my computer screen. He's been there for just over an hour. I named him Paul because he looks like a Paul.

SOOO, being here in Phnom Penh is beginning to feel more normal lately, which is nice. Sometimes though, I realize where I am, and it freaks me out a little bit, but other than those speratic moments, I feel a bit more settled. Things at Daughters are starting to flow, and each of us, it seems, are finding our niches. I still don't know what's up with art classes, but I'm pretty sure that if I will be teaching, it won't be for a while. We're all really focussing on opening the cafe, and there's a lot of preparation to do for that, so art classes aren't a priority. Also, we're in the process of planning the annual Daughters Christmas party, so we're busy with that! It's pretty crazy at Daughters right now! There's a lot going on!
I am still sick, but it keeps moving from one thing to another. It's not so fun, but I guess it's all part of the experience...
The classes at Daughers have been going really well! The girls seem to like having us there, and they seem to just LOVE Richard's cooking class! It's loads of fun. I've been the photographer there the past few days, taking pictures of the classes and what they get up to. It's been awesome to do what I love to do--take pictures--and get involved in the classes at the same time. The team is doing a great job here... Aw, I love my team. I really do! I'm excited to spend Christmas together! And we have a Block Party planned! ha! It's going to be grand. We're having a dinner for the neighbours on our street. So that's also added to our plate. We'll be busy this month for sure!
I'm still trying to find my place here on outreach. Sometimes I feel as though I'm wasting my time, or doing something wrong, or... not being what I'm supposed to be. But God has been speaking to me about simplicity. Just loving Him with all my heart, and sincerely loving others. I've been feeling a bit inadequate, seeing as I don't have a very specific position at Daughters, but ... oh! Paul is moving around! how exciting!... God has been speaking a lot things to me, that give me a lot of reassurance and grace to just live and love, and bless others while I'm here. Sometimes I feel like there's a lot of expectations that I should be living up to. And I don't want that at all! I don't want to stress out thinking that I'm doing something wrong. Even since being here, my relationship with Jesus has deepened so so much! I feel like it's changed in so many good ways. Oh, how I love Him.
My love for people is also growing. The Khmer people are BEAUTIFUL! And so friendly. I love that there's really no sense of time here. People love to just sit and spend time with others. It's really cool. There's a beautiful spirit about the people here, and I can see a real yearning in them for loving kindness, and respect. I really admire this country, and I feel honoured to be here, in a place filled with the beauty of God. I can see His love and His creativity and handiwork.
I'm so grateful for the grace that God gives us. There are a lot of terrible things here. There are a lot of things I knew I would see, but could never really prepare for. There is so much brokeness, hurt, neglect, shame, and a sense of utter hopelessness. But God, ahh, God is so great. I can feel His love for these people. And I love how well He knows us, what we can and cannot handle, and how fast or how slow to bring us through this battlefield that is life.
Since being here, I've been introduced to many weaknesses within myself. I feel so emotionally, mentally, and lately physically weak, and it's been very hard for me at times. But in learning how weak I am, I have experienced a glimse of God's strength. I often miss home, especially being sick and all, but gazing into the glorious face of Jesus Christ, being with Him, learning to live out love, I AM home. And as weak as I may be, He is so strong, and my trust in Him has grown beyond words. I know that this time in my life will be one in which I learn and learn and learn some more about many things, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will return home with more faith, more love, and more assuredness in God, in life, in my identity and in my calling.

janna xx